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  • Writer's pictureFreya Savage

A friend broke up with me...

Recently I got quite upset because a dear friend of mine said she wanted to take some space because I was not giving her what she needed. I was upset because I felt rejected. Then I got angry, she never even told me what she needed, she just broke up with me. I expect it was that I was not present enough in her life. I was angry because I fly to Melbourne from wherever I am in the world for the special events of my friends. I make a massive effort, and I want to because my girlfriends are like family to me. So I was deeply hurt when I received this response to a message checking in with her. I was running it around in my head, what did I do wrong?? Then I remembered, I'd just finished working for 16 days straight on training and jumped straight into a fasting training. She was in Bali at the time and asked me to come and visit her. She was over an hour away and my schedule was 6am-5pm. My partner had just arrived and I hadn't seen him for over a month. I was exhausted at the time. I also knew that I'd see her in a few weeks. So I explained what was going on and said I wouldn't be making the 2 hour trip. Little did I know that there was so much meaning in this for her. Perhaps there had been times before where I also upset her without even knowing. Perhaps this was the straw that broke the camels back so to say. But then I thought a little more. Do I really want to be in relationship with people who don't understand where I'm at? Who wants me to do what they want me to do, even if it's not best for me? Fuck that. While I'll continue to love this person dearly. I invite in friends who are supportive, understanding, and relaxed! Who wants me to take care of myself first and foremost. I have so many incredible friends like this, I very rarely attract drama or high maintenance people. If I have plans with one of my friends and she says 'I feel like hanging at home alone tonight and rubbing my menstrual blood into my skin on the full moon' (true story) I say cool, 'thank you for taking care of yourself!' and they reciprocate right back to me. What beautiful friendships these are, to love each other without rules of what they 'expect of a friendship'. The role that I play in this woman's life and anyone else's life really is not up to me. If one person feels like I don't meet their expectations, that's ok. I totally respect them for knowing what they want. Yes I will be hurt. But I'm not going to push myself to meet their needs, as they should also not need to change their non-negotiables. There is actually nothing to work out. I get annoyed because sometimes I have these random men from India and the Middle East message me or watch my videos and comment random stuff totally not related to anything I'm saying. It pisses me off because the role I play to them is sexual. Even though this feel gross I know that it's not important what role I play to them, because it has nothing to do with me. They put their own stories and character on it all. And it actually doesn't impact me at all, they are in a relationship with a facade of me that I don't own. As soon as it's put out into the world it's no longer mine. While most people follow me for the message that I speak and for me being the 'me' that I connect with. That's also not my business. The author of Eat Pray Love would often have people come up to her and say that she wrote their lives. The thing is what they perceived was often not at all the story she had written. Once someone said 'I was also physically abused and your book helped me to leave'. But she never wrote anything about physical abuse. That's just what the reader wanted to read and made it their own story. The perception of how others view you is jaded, they will never see the full you, they might not even see one facade of you as you see it- like these Indian men who drive me fucking crazy, they see a facade that they want to see that I'm not even aware of. I mean we don't even know the fullness of who we are, we don't even know ourselves. So back to my x-friend (x friend? sounds so harsh). While I imagined payback with slight sadistic pleasure; the thought of the pain she would feel when I don't invite her to my future wedding, or when she eventually realises how she wants me back in her life and I' say 'no thanks', even though in reality I'd probably ask her to be my bridesmaid and would cry in joy when/if she wants me back. I realised that the role I play in her life also has nothing to do with me. In fact I don't even know what the story is that she has painted and reflected onto me, and I'm really not interested. I didn't ask why, or try and defend myself, I literally said something like 'I love you, I don't understand and I'm hurt, but I'll respect your wishes and I'm glad you're taking care of your needs'. Am I in integrity? Do I show up fully with love and vulnerability? Am I honest & truthful? Yes I have my moments where I'm not the best version of me, but generally yes, a big YES. That's all that matters. Keep showing up, you're perfect & whole just the way you are. PS Get monthly coaching with me at an incredible price. Join the Wolf Pack. Click here to sign up.

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