Now I Know Where I've Been Holding Back... And About My 21 Day Fast
I fasted for 21 days. Yes, 21 f*cking days!!! At the start of 2020, I did a detox & fasting training for 7 days. I had only intended to juice 'feast' for 7 days. Then something happened. I fell deeply into it. Just by starting along the journey to clean myself out, I made a little more space to hear the call from the soul: "Go all in, strip it down, get to the bare bones. You must go inside to create all that desires you". Notice how it was 'all that desires you' rather than 'all that you desire'. The thing is, I have pretty much everything I desire now. For sure there is always refinement and progress for the fun of it, but I live a life pretty much as I wish. I know by shifting to the next gear, it's about getting out of my own way and allow life to move through me because my imagination is limited, but god's imagination is endless and has bigger plans than what my mind can conjure up. This was a bigger call than I've had last year, which was very focused on vision and goal creation. And while I still wrote out my vision for 2020, I knew that wasn't where the expansion was really at. It felt limited. My soul was asking me to have the experience, rather than plan for the experience. Yes, now that makes total sense. Did I want to get to the next level by planning? By controlling? Hahaha, it's so funny because I know that's NOT how to get anywhere fast. I mean this is what I teach! But it's often these simple teachings that I need to remind myself of. It's by experiencing, by knowing, by listening, by being present AF. During day 4 of the training, my teacher and great friend Ben Richards was speaking about how the great school of Alexandria required it's pupils to fast for 40 days on the water before being allowed to sit the entrance exam. This is a school attended by Plato, Socrates & Pythagoras. So much for my hearty meal of MiGoreng noodles before my uni exams. Pythagoras wanted to attend the school and was well established by this time, he was adamant he should not need to do this because he was a well-known thinker. The school of Alexandria wouldn't budge, they would only allow him to sit the entrance exam if he fasted for 40 days first. And there is no faking a 40 day fast! Eventually, he did the fast, this is what he said: "I am a different man; I am reborn. You were right and I was wrong because then my whole standpoint was intellectual. Through this purification, my centre of being has changed. From the intellect, it has come down to the heart. Now I can feel things. Before this training, I could only understand through the intellect, through the head. Now I can feel. Now the truth is not a concept to me, but life. It is not going to be a philosophy, but rather, an experience – existential.” That is what it's all about guys, moving from the head to the heart. Thinking with your soul. It doesn't even need to think because it just knows. So that was my intention to tap more into my truth, to release the past experiences that were holding me in this paradigm. To live an extraordinary life, one must do extraordinary things to shake the being of who they were yesterday. So while the 40-day fast was not called to me as my first long fast, I embarked on 21 days. It takes 21 days to break a habit. I was ready to break the habit of being me to become... well, more of me. Here is what it looked like: Day 1-8 Juice & coconut water (started with 3 juices p/d then started to move down to 1) Day 9-14 Coconut water Day 15-17 Water Day 17-18 Dry Day 18-21 Coconut water + adding extra 1 juice per day & some bone broth And let me tell you, it was not convenient. I was on 'holiday', I was in the place with the best food in the world, I was with Chris, I had a planned to launch a program, I was even invited to Russel Simmons house for dinner! But they were all just excuses, since when is enjoying an experience just about eating? In fact, I still did most of those things, and it was fun, it was empowering, and it became so easy. I found that there was so much more depth in life that I had been missing out because I was making it about the food. Which was actually me trying to find pleasure by consuming something outside of myself. There were dark days. I almost gave in to cravings, more than a few times. I was OBSESSING over food. I'd 'try' and meditate, as my whole body would squirm. I'd go for a walk, and find myself thinking about all the foods I had eaten in the past. Then on one evening walk in Uluwatu, thinking about a Big Mac Burger (yep, I thought about foods I wouldn't even normally eat!), I couldn't take it anymore, I was torturing myself. I asked 'what should I do, should I break the fast?' Then I just knew. Lightness came over me. It wasn't even a voice, it was literally "a knowing". This is what the knowing knew 'surrender without reacting, these cravings are not yours, they are stuck memories & emotions, they are fighting because they don't want to be let go of' Whoooww, that was a huge one. And so I did, instead of wishing I felt differently, I got curious about it, I observed the stories & the fear that was pushing me to react. By watching them, they lost all their power. Then it totally dissipated. The clouds cleared. And OMG did they clear! My mind became so clear. I became so present. I felt so full from the moment, from life. And the doors of possibility opened up to me completely. Things just started to flow, without me planning or trying. Creativity poured from me. In fact, during the fast, I designed a clothing line (now the samples are being made), wrote an entire menu for a cafe my partner will be opening, created an epic 6-month mentorship, signed a new private client (even though I was closed for new bookings), had people sign up for past online courses, recorded a podcast and many more wonderful creations. But none were because I felt like I had to. It was all inflow.
My vision became so much clearer because I made space for it because it came in present awareness, not as some planning exercise. I know to wear my visions loosely because the universe is a total powerhouse & being stuck on things, needing to look a certain way means I'm getting in her way. Just like forgoing food for 21 days, when you experience the experience for what it is rather than what you want it to be, it has even more depth, more expression, more art. It fills you up more than what control can ever do.
Freya PS - My free "Launch It" training is currently ongoing but you still can join! Details here.