The bullshit meter is pointing at me

In a moment you could have it all.

$10K, $20K, $30K months, weeks, days.

Are you sick of reading this shit?

God I'm sick of reading about it, I'm sick of writing about it, I'm sick of thinking about it.

I had a 'fuck this' moment the other day when I saw that the most lost & scarcity minded soul I've ever come across posted that she has now has a coaching business 'providing wealth codes' in exchange for 5 figures.

She posted this along with a very tailored post with essentially regurgitated content with plenty of emojis and a clear sentence structure.

There was nothing 'wrong' with what was written, in fact I agreed with it all, it was written in a much more clear & concise way than I generally write.

But it was all copied. The energy behind made me cringe.

I know how she actually lives her life and it's totally out of integrity with what she is teaching.

I started to think about how many other people are just bullshitting online? Sharing surface level stuff they read from someone else and don't actually 'know' any of it within themselves?

So much of it! So much of what we see is a facade.

You wonder why it's happening for the drop-kick you went to school with, how she's making 7 figures a year? and who the hell is actually buying her what she's selling?

I can't be sure, but it's likely it's all in the 'future vortex'.

Most of what we see & read is not the truth.

I just see so much bullshit in this industry.

So much surface level crap is being taught by people who don't actually live what they preach.

But it's not just in this industry, even when I worked in investment, we would advice clients to invest in assets that none of us actually invested in.

I have a huge issue with that, it makes me feel weak, that's why I left, I had no inner power, no vigor, because it was totally out of alignment.

And I feel like such bullshit myself right now because I'm part of the 'professional development' industry. I can see how gross & dishonest it can be.

Of course, there are incredible teachers & leaders out there. I have many mentors & coaches that I pay, they are invaluable.

Anyway, why did I get so triggered by this women?

It's because I see my own bullshit meter pointing at me. This became very clear 30mins ago when I started to write about how I 'manifested' my perfect home, which was what this post was going to be about, but, as per usual it ends up being about something totally different.

I teach people how to make money doing what they love. This generally feels true for me BUT there are times when I'm at odds with myself, here is where I'm full of BS:

- Some months are dry! Some months I make over $20k, other months less than $10k.

- My income is not consistent.

- At times I get bored of it all & want to burn it down.

- I don't show up for my business everyday, some weeks it would be generous to say I work 3 hours for the entire week. But yet I tell my clients to show up everyday for their business.

- I don't believe it's enough to just do what I love, I also have to be excellent at it, to be an expert at it, to 'know' it within myself. It's not a solid strategy to just do what you love, you need to also be fucking great at it.

- Sometimes I feel afraid that business will dry up, that the money will stop flowing, that I'm shit at what I do, that clients will stop engaging with me.

- Some of my launches are flops.

- Sometimes I do all the 'work' and get no results, other times I do no 'work' and money flows in like a fire hose.

- I can't watch or listen to myself on videos or podcasts because I hate the sound of my voice & feel like an idiot.

- I've had times where I've had no clients & no one wanted to work with me. Where I feel like it's grade 6 afternoon Baseball time and I'm waiting to be picked by my crush who is the team captain, but he never picks me.

- Sometimes I cry and feel pathetic.

- I say vision boards, mantras, shadow work, affirmations, & 'healing' is all bullshit but I do this stuff myself.

- Every morning I go into the garden & pray, all the while thinking I'm so cliche'. But I do it anyway.

- I'm generally half naked, I dress totally inappropriately for a 'professional', I sometimes feel ashamed by what I like to wear.

- I borrowed money from my Dad and still haven't paid him back.

- I bought facebook followers for my clothing label.

- I look like I live a pretty perfect life, and it's pretty amazing, but I live in Bali. It costs way less to live this way than what it costs you if you're living in a western country.

I'm full of contradictions. Even though I remind my own clients to stay away from the 'shoulds' I'm constantly moving in & out of the 'shoulds' myself.

It's often the things we are most critical of in others is the exact thing we are feeling inside of ourself.

I can't stand the rose coloured glasses & the curtain people hide behind, then I see I also stand behind there.

And I'll probably creep back there again, I'll forget that who I am is totally enough, I'll forget that I get to do things my way.

And then I'll remember again and write a post about it.

You don't need to post bullshit you don't actually believe & embody yourself, you have something you are meant to be an expert at, perhaps you already are an expert at it, that's your genius. Be patient with it, do it for your own unfolding, do it because you cannot help but not do it.

Or don't & keep on wasting your genius by doing what you think you need to do & post surface level crap about manifestation, positive thinking & fake results