Why we can never truly know what we
My morning ritual is so ingrained that I really had to convince myself to shift it around, I felt the 'ping' to change it, but questioned myself 'are you sure? it's so solid', 'ping' change it. So this morning I followed the ping and meditated after I worked out rather than before, it doesn't sound like a huge change, but wooooow, I feel next level, the drop in was much smoother, I went straight through alpha into theta and the downloads started to pour in. Then the mind came into play- "shouldn't you be writing all this down? You'll forget it!" Higher self- 'thank you for your concern but I can access this wisdom anytime I choose'. Boom dropped back in. I often have this fear come up that I won't remember what feels profound at the time. But remembering is really only knowledge and knowledge is finite because it's kept in the mind which is limited..... It's wisdom that allows us to drop into trust that we don't need to hold onto everything so tightly because it's always there. And even when it doesn't show itself right away, it always does when we give it space. Drop out of the thinking mind of trying to understand everything and put everything in a box of 'this is that, and that is this'. Because the truth is we will never really truly understand anything intellectually. Even the atom is a rabbit hole, it has no end to it. So let me remind you that it's ok to not truly know what you want, yes get in tune with your deep desires, but it's ok if they seem illusive and slippery. In fact I would go further to say that if they are solid & certain, that is ego holding for dear life, afraid of the deep well of possibilities. Because how can we really truely know exactly what we want when: 1) We already have everything we want, we are here having this experience, we know as conscious infinite beings that we can access everything whenever we desire. Of course for many humans, the subconscious often blocks all of that and the mind comes in to find proof of why that's not possible. 2) That we don't really know ourselves so how can we truly know what we want? And that is actually the beauty of it all, as infinite beings we are everything and we are nothing. So trying to know ourself is slippery, we spend our day organising what we like & don't like in hope of understanding who we are and through that understanding the world. But it's like an orange trying to experience itself, it will never know what it feels like to peel its own skin, taste it's own flesh and drink its own juice. Just like we will truly never know the full experience of us, and this is why I think we are so fascinated by being in relationship with others, so we can get a sense of what it's like to experience ourselves, so we can seek to understand who we are, using others as a mirror of our own facades. But it's really quite funny this question of "who am I?" Because there is no answer. An answer through words, or seeing, or feeling or any of the sense would only be one colour of the rainbow, as our sense are limited. But to be in the question, to play with life and those around us, to be curious, to feel the transient nature is really very beautiful. But to be so focused on finding the answer you'll miss the joy of being in the question where the answer actually is. So stop worrying so much about getting clear about what you want before you start playing the game, and just step into the 'ping' of who you want to be, what you want to explore, what you want to create, but watch out don't hold on too tightly because you'll miss the whole show.
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