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  • Freya Savage

Your Mum Doesn't Want Me To Share This

Yesterday I got a voice note from my gal pal, she had posted online about the dogma she experienced around, GET THIS - a woman who has sex, HOW SHAMEFUL. 

AND the underhand slut-shaming that often comes with it.

I read it and felt it. I deeply resonate with this experience. I felt very grateful for the honest & open share because it's an opportunity for me to heal my own wounds and the wounds of everyone who had a similar experience, which is every woman in the world.

This is part of what the voice note went like: 'Mum is very uncomfortable with me sharing my sexual experiences with the world, that it's unhealthy to bring up the past, and that it's private and shouldn't be shared.'

Ohhhh ouch.

"I don't give a fuck what people think, I'll share what I want and be who I want"

It's easier to uphold when it's randoms, friends of a friend or work colleagues, that are not catching your vibe. 

But when it's family, partners, close friends, that hurts.

They sit in your heart, you don't want to hurt them, embarrass them or have them see you as shameful.

It reminded me of a post about a year ago of a similar experience of being slut-shamed at high school.

The message was something like: Degrading another being because they are sexual is a conversation that I do not allow in my space. We are all sexual. Sex is beautiful, it's perfect, and the shame that we feel is because of a program we've been taught. 

Anyway, my Mum also contacted me after I posted it. She was genuinely worried about me, about what people would think about me and that maybe I'd get some backlash.

I felt sick. Like I was a bad person. I'd said too much, I share too much, I should be more private. All this shame floated into me. 

I took the post down, with my tail in between my legs, and posted some cosmetically 1 line posts for a few weeks. 

But that was me a year ago. I can with certainty say that now I wouldn't take something back that came from a place of truth, even with backlash.

Now I understand that the people close to us care about us, they want us to be safe.

But safe is what our self conscious has decided from our own beliefs and experiences.

Our parents' generation version of 'safe' is not talking about these things, that's how shit was dealt with. Like my gal pal said 'Mum's way of processing, is not processing'

So before you take on the opinion of someone else be very aware that they are coming from their own beliefs, it's not the only truth - you get to decide your own truth.

What feels good for you? Without taking into account the results and the feedback. Just the action itself, what action feels good? Do that.

Results will always be based on other people's stuff.

The other part here is: You get to protect your space.

Your social media accounts are your space, just like a home is your space.

It's ok to delete comments, you have nothing you need to defend unless you want to of course.

It's ok to block family members or friends from seeing everything you post. It doesn't mean you're hiding or being mean, it just means you respect where you live and you know how to action boundaries that are conducive to your expansion.

Dealing with other peoples beliefs is not your job (unless you're paid for it like I am ;P)

You don't need to make yourself smaller because the people you love are uncomfortable. That's their own stuff, not yours. Your only purpose is to be more of you, that's it!

Keep stepping into your truth, that's where the expansion is. 

I have one spot opening up for one-on-one coaching and taking bookings next week. If you're interested in working together over 6 months, in getting your ass kicked into gear to unlock money, purpose & truth, book in an initial chat here to apply. 

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